Thursday, November 12, 2009
It's not exactly writer's block..it's reception block
People have been pointing out to me that it's been a month since I last wrote on my blog. Why is that? It's not for lack of material. If all it took was something to write about, I could blog every day.
I've been professionally, personally, and physically exhausted. When I'm exhausted, I can do no more. I guess that's the meaning of the word exhausted. You are spent and have nothing else to give.
Rest wasn't my problem. I was sleeping the usual amount. But I was sapped, tapped and drained. No one thing is to blame, but lots of little things added up. I was working just enough too much that I let exercise go. I was overcommitted to friends and social events. There are too many calls I didn't return; too many birthdays I missed. Too many days I didn't pray. My balance tipped, and I was in survival mode.
Clarity came in a near disaster, as it often does. I crashed my bike a week ago. I think I lost control of my bike because I was so spent. I'm totally fine now, but it was that proverbial wake-up call.
As I sat there lying on Rock Creek parkway trying to get my bearings, I could do nothing. My biking partner had been through this kind of thing herself and was the perfect person to have on the scene.
I was in the position of being able to do nothing but receive. And receive I did. Water, an orange starburst for energy, a ride, a housemate to see me to the doctor.
The crash wounds have healed, but I am still in reception mode.
Yesterday was my birthday. From yoga at 6:00 am, a reminder that I've received a body that still works (praise god!), to coming home from a great Bob Dylan concert at 11 pm to a full and happy household, I did nothing but receive love all day long.
And all day long, as the joy in my heart grew, I realized: I am back! I woke up this am wanting to say thank you to the world and to God. I'm ready to give again.