Easter is becoming a time to assess the progress in my life. Two years ago, I was in rural Namibia at my friend Liberty's grandma's house. She named me "Ndatelela" which means "I am expecting." I was full of expectation back then - about to leave Namibia and in doing so, laying to rest a dream of living overseas and working in international development. I was embracing a different dream, but I had no idea what awaited me. My biggest expectations didn't come to pass in any way I would have predicted.
Last year, I put this picture on my front door as I hosted an Easter feast in my townhouse for relatives, old and new friends. It represented such a change from the year before.
Last year during Easter I posed big questions to God and focused on them specifically at the beginning of this Lent. Now it's a new Easter and they don't exactly feel resolved. But I'm not frustrated, and that's new. I'm starting to learn that I am someone who is full of expectation - big hopes and dreams. The problem is that my hopes and dreams rarely come to pass in any way (or in the timing) I can predict. I get disappointed.
But disappointment is never the final word. I always get to peace. God always brings me there. And that's happening in this season too. Though some big questions remain open from Lent, I am surprised at how renewed I feel. Blessed. Beloved. There is more good in this life than I can possibly appreciate. I am still expecting, but my heart is open and it's a wonderful way to be. Happy Easter. Ndatelela.